Long-Term Sex: Does It Have to Be Boring and Infrequent?
“We’ve been together for a while, and the sex isn’t really hot anymore.” I hear this all the time in my psychology practice. Most of us buy into the myth that sex is supposed to stay just as it was...
View ArticleWhen Someone You Love is Depressed
Depression can be catching. When someone is depressed, the illness touches everyone who is close to that person. If someone you love is depressed, whether it is your spouse, parent, child, boyfriend,...
View ArticleSpeaking Up: Cons and Pros
In my practice, the issue people complain about most is communication. Do you ever choose to shut down, rather than pursuing an important conversation with someone whom you care about? Most of us do,...
View ArticleShould You Rock the Boat?
Most of us prefer to avoid conversations that have the potential to disturb the peace of our relationships. Even when we have some important communication to say, we often choose to keep silent. Why...
View ArticleTalking About Sex (and other scary topics)
Why do we often find it so difficult to talk about sex with our intimate partners? Most of us were never taught to do so, and have never had an example to follow. Parents generally don’t model this...
View ArticleA Better Way to Fight
Looking for a better way to fight? Many of us behave badly when we’re fighting with someone we love, probably because there seems to be a lot at stake. For example, when you are arguing: You may feel...
View ArticleDo I Listen to Myself, or My Parents?
Parents often have strong ideas about how their children should live. Many times I’ve had adult clients tell me that their parents still view them as extensions of themselves. Of course, it’s a...
View ArticleGrieving a Dog, Feeling Lonely
Recently I got a letter to my advice column in the Washington Blade from a 53 year-old who had been single for many years and recently had lost his dog. He had been feeling lonely for a long time, and...
View ArticleCan You Get Your Partner to Change?
So often in relationships, we want the other person to change in some way that would make things so much better. Maybe your boyfriend is a slob…maybe your wife always runs late…maybe your mom or dad...
View ArticleSelf-Soothing: An Invaluable Skill
All of us go through painful experiences and heartbreaking losses at times in our lives. Having loved ones around us certainly can help us to heal. But when you’re feeling hopeless about feeling...
View ArticleScared to Say “I Love You” First?
New relationships are exciting, but it can also be scary to feel vulnerable. For many of us, one of the biggest challenges is to say “I love you” for the first time. Especially if we are going to be...
View ArticleDon’t Try to Change Your Partner’s Mind
Here’s a disastrous move I’ve seen many, many times: One person, who wants to get his own way, tries to change his partner’s mind about something the partner wants to do. Guilt, resentment,...
View ArticleWhen You and Your Spouse Disagree
When you and your spouse disagree over a big issue, you may–understandably–worry that you’re incompatible. Perhaps you fear that you are headed for divorce. After all, how can two people go forward...
View ArticleThe Best Move You Can Make
The best move you can make for 2019 and beyond: Aspire to live thoughtfully and respond to life in a way that you respect, despite the pressure you may feel to think and act in ways that go against...
View ArticleTalking About Moving In Together..and Other Tough Topics
When is the right time to talk about moving in together? This was the question raised in a recent letter to my advice column. The real problem wasn’t the timing, though. It was one partner’s...
View ArticleYou’re Clean, They’re Messy: Dealing with Annoying Relationship Differences
You’re clean, They’re messy. You take life as it comes, they need everything to be “perfect”. You like to go out on Friday nights, they want to stay in with Netflix. Sound familiar? No matter how well...
View ArticleAnxious About Coronavirus?
My dear friend Meg is panicking about COVID-19. Any time I look at my phone–even when I get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby–she’s texted me some dire article about what might happen. Of...
View ArticleKeeping Your Relationship Strong Through the Coronavirus Crisis
For many years, I’ve told couples I work with that being married is like taking a very long journey by ship in a very small cabin. You know, the kind where the couch unfolds to be a bed, you have to...
View ArticleBuilding Resilience During the Pandemic Crisis
As the Covid 19 crisis goes on without our having any clarity about how or when this crazy situation will improve, most everyone I know is super-anxious about getting sick, fed up with being locked...
View ArticleIs Working from Home Taking Over Your Life?
Back in the late 1980s when I was a young financial analyst at a New York bank, I’d leave the office at five and go home to my little Upper West Side studio. With no cable, internet, or cellphone, a...
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